the rock and hard place.

a few days ago i could have raved to you about where God has me currently. don't get me wrong, i can still rave about it! God has me in a ministry that i believe in and see Him working in and through. there is never a doubt in my mind whether i'm in the right place or not...i know i am. He has so richly blessed me with a group of friends that never cease to amaze me every time i'm with them.

thats all well and good. actually...its better than that...but for argument's sake, there is a but....

i'm leaving.

BOO. HISS.

i meet all these absolutely fabulous and wonderful people months before i head into a far away land. i fall into a ministry that i LOVE. how is this fair?

if there is one thing i know to be true about God, its that He always knows the plan. i also know that if i have to sacrifice what i want in order for people to hear about Jesus, thats what i have to do. for no other reason, than the simple fact, that He loved me that much, and i will spend every day trying to love Him that much.

other than me being a little (a lot) sad about leaving my new found friends, i am so aware of how much of a vital role they play in this venture God has me on. there is such a great reward in having family and friends supporting you while on the field. even though they aren't literally standing next to you, they are still standing with you. not only on the field...but in every day life its important too. i would dare say its vital. you can't do it alone. i believe the Christian life was not meant to be done alone...certain aspects of it, yes, but a good portion of it calls for you to be in fellowship with believers and in accountability.

vital.

so here i sit, between the rock and a hard place. i so ache to be overseas (rock), ministering as God has gifted me. to be immersed in a culture that i am deeply passionate about. talking with people who have never heard the name of Jesus. there is a huge part of my heart that is here now though (hard place). i don't want to leave. i just want to minister here and worship freely. i want to be with friends that make me cry from laughing so hard, to open the scripture with, and just tell about my junk days.

i'm kind of getting squished. how much of an encouragement it will be when i'm gone though, hearing of all God's work here...man. so so blessed.

thank goodness i still have some time left!