matters of the heart

getting your heart broken is never a fun experience. you cry, veg out on chocolate and sappy chic flicks, and you are just plain miserable to be around. then after you do all your self pitying, there comes a point of anger. where you want to bash in his car (like in Carrie Underwood's song) and make he/she hurt as much as you do. never never a fun experience.

when i look back on all the guys that i have liked...there was never a point when i came to reality and said "oh...he doesn't like me" it was always "there is a chance!" when...in all actuality, there never was and never would be. haha! needless to say, my thoughts on the matter have changed. there are still points where my heart gets broken. but, God has taught me how to be strong on my own. i do not need a guy to fulfill my life's purpose. yes, that would be nice, cause eventually i DO want kids, but to live, breath and function, it is not a necessity.

anyways, all that to say, i was bitter and broken hearted for the longest time. Satan had a hold on me like none other. twisting my heart into every way it could go, wringing it out of anything good in there....except for God. sometimes Satan even stomped on it and shattered it into millions of tiny pieces (some of which are still missing). it made me sad. sometimes depressed, but mostly sad.

how is there any way that i let this happen? why in the world did it happen? and can it stay away for good? well...i let it happen because i was foolish. living in the world and sometimes of it does mean that i fell victim to the lies that our society sends girls. you aren't good enough, never will you be. you aren't pretty enough, never will you be. and without this, this, and this you will never amount to anything. so how did i let it happen? that is how i let it happen...i got wrapped up in a sinful world.

unlike many people, i do believe that this all happened for a reason. with every guy i liked, there was a transformation of my beliefs and my heart. yes it did hurt, but my standards are way up there. not just anyone will get me. it has to be THE right person. no if's, and's, or but's about it.
and lastly, i do not think it will stay away for good. i think i have the tools and experience needed to keep it at bay, but i think there always comes a point when you have to fall so you can learn to trust God more and more. so, it won't stay away for good, and i am completely prepared.

this whole blog stemmed from Justin's talk last night about what we are "resetting" in our lives. i fully believe God has healed most of my heart and continues the work within me. and thinking on that just made me want to share.

insignificant

have you ever wondered if what you do matters? i have...countless times. it seems like a lot of the time the insignificance i find in myself makes me not do things. like "i know you want me to tell people about you God, but i dont know enough" or "i did have this situation in my past, there is no need for me to share with people about you." i mean, honestly? am i really succumbing to this lack of faith in myself? do i really doubt that God can use me? sometimes i honestly do.

there is a huge part of me that has a burden for the lost. they need Him so badly, but they dont even know yet. some do know, they just choose to not listen. i think it was put in a great way when i heard of a misionary. he says in response to why he is so successful in winning people for Christ, "why not expect them to come to faith? expecting them to come to faith means you are always expecting Christ to move, and He will never fail in that." (that was paraphrased) i think a lot of this thinking we are insignificant comes from a lack of faith. we lack the faith to see and expect God to move. He gets all the glory for everything. He created us for His glory. He died on the cross for His glory. HE IS GLORIOUS.

there is nothing you can do to make God not work through you. so, stop thinking that you dont matter. stop thinking that no one cares. we need to stop buying those silly lies. God CAN move. He WILL use you. and there is nothing you can do about it except give Him ALL the glory.




"i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:13

believe

It's true what they say, the devil's alive and well
He picked the locks and escaped the gates of hell
It's evidence all you feel right now
If I could beg, I would beg that you somehow
Believe

Chances are, 4 will turn to 3
That's 1 less than this was meant to be
A wounded heart is a sucker for a thrill
And healing now, I hope you somehow still
Believe

The difference between now and then
Has broken your heart like porcelain
There's hope in this that you will soon see if you only
Believe

It's true what they say the devil's alive and well
He picked the locks and escaped the gates of hell
But there's something else working here as well




-Dave Barnes "Believe" Me+You+The World







i believe he is an amazing artist. he is my favorite of all time. the. best. ever. check him out. you will not be disappointed.

unity at its best

I think a lot of times we as Christians think things are a "a-ok" when in all actuality they are not. Disunity within the Body of Christ is something I see daily as a college student. Many people just think that its their way or the highway. Or on the other hand, they do not care one ounce. Then there are those people that just like to "stir up the people." In Acts chapters 8-9 it talks about Stephen and his stoning. Before he was stoned, the Pharisees were talking and "stirring up the people" against Stephen. Saying that he was blaspheming God and that he wasn't telling the truth.

How many times do you see this happening in the Bible. Just as clear as it was happening in Jesus' time, it happens today. Satan gets in and manipulates what people think. He makes them think that they are right and the other person is wrong. How many times do we as Christians fall victim to this? How many times will we let ourselves fall victim to this lie?

I think Paul Washer correctly says "you can not experience God, and not be moved." So, are we being moved? Being a Christian is not some label that you can put on yourself. It is a matter of being called to action. Being called to action because of love and acting biblically. So, I think it is time for us to start acting out of the love that was beautifully bestowed upon us and stop thinking its all about us.