Sunday, December 6, 2009

forgive.

sometimes i don't want to forgive. haven't you had those moments? its just not easy.

3So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. 4If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him."
Luke 17:3-4

umm...woah.


how did i miss this? how did i miss the part of Jesus saying forgive everytime someone asks you to forgive them. sheesh! i mean seriously Lord, everytime? that has to be a mistake.

nope. not a mistake.

when i think of forgiveness, i think that its that whatever happened, whatever pain you felt, has to magically go away, and that it has to be ok. but thats not what it is. forgiveness is so much bigger than that.

forgiveness is wiping the slate clean. forgiveness is a choice. to display mercy and grace and compassion. forgiveness is rooted in love. and love is patient and kind, and most of all, keeps not record of wrongs.

forgiveness is loving people the way Jesus loves.

 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Saturday, November 7, 2009

hem.

As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. 43And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years,[d] but no one could heal her. 44She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
 45"Who touched me?" Jesus asked.
      When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you."

 46But Jesus said, "Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me."
 47Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. 48Then he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace." 
Luke 8:42-48

this passage has always intrigued me. i can't believe she bled for twelve years. i can't believe that all she did was touch Jesus' hem. i can't believe, but she did.

out of this woman's desperation came a belief, a hope, that healed her instantly. she absolutely believed Jesus could heal her. and just by her faith, she was. part of me wonders about her life. i mean, she was condemned from the community...couldn't see her family or anything. how that pain filled her years. after all the money she spent on all the doctors seemed to have run out, she hears about Jesus. the man that has healed many, he must be able to heal her. if he did it for them, surely he would do it for her. so, there he is, walking through town. a crowd around him, pressing in on him, and he suddenly feels power leaving him.

i picture this woman on her hands and knees crawling through the crowd. she believes is completely now. if she could just reach out and touch the bottom of his garment. just.....a....little...further. BAM! healed. the woman was healed, by faith, and by a touch.

i find myself hurting a lot. people use words that sting, they hurt me in ways that reach deep to my heart. i hold onto it as if its real...as if its true. i hold onto it, thinking that i can heal myself. my wounds are mine, and no one else's. how dare someone try to help me! i am so very wrong in that thinking.

Jesus can heal my heart. if i can muster up enough faith to just reach out to him...he can, and will, heal me. sometimes its easier to hold onto the hurt...because i have control over it. but to let Jesus have control feels so much better. i pray that i can find the belief and faith that this woman had. she knew without a shadow of doubt Jesus could heal her...and if i also know that, why do i choose to not believe it?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

sweet moments

i need life to slow down...just a bit. i find myself becoming busier and busier by the moment. not to mention working a TON! this leaves me little room to blog...none-the-less clean my room...which my mom has resorted to now calling it my landfill. ok people...its not that bad, but she likes to exaggerate.

other than working (i really might become a workaholic...someone stop me!) i have filled my empty spaces with loads of ministry stuff. i love my high school girls and wouldn't trade them for the world. they are the reason i am where i am now, and even though circumstances tell me i should be doing lots of other things, i know that there is nothing that compares to my high school girls...and the moment in their lives God has me. such a complete and utter blessing.

i am becoming more aware that God is at the center of everything. every trial, every joyful moment, every child's cry or laugh is helping me learn who God is. the best part about working with kids is hearing them laugh. you know that laugh. its the laugh that is completely uninhibited. it makes you laugh just by hearing it. don't judge me, but that kind of laughter has brought tears to my eyes many times...simply because of the joy. that is the absolute best part of my job. i see God in the kids daily. even the ones that drive me nuts, i see Him.

take today for instance. i have one little girl in my class, the cutest little girl, however she is always causing trouble. she has bitten, hit, pushed...you name it...she probably has it in her file. i mean the girl seriously has things to work on. but today was a special day. she was extra lovey today. until you have this type of child in your class, you will never understand what i felt today. this little girl, who usually has me at my wits end by 9:30am, gave endless hugs, kisses on the cheek and sweet moments all day long. its what i needed. God knew that and boy was i blessed!

it reminded me of God's love for us. we have Him at His wits end all the time. we may not bite or hit, but we gossip, lie, cheat...you name it, we do it. but even in those moments, He loves us. He knows we mess up all the time. and how sweet are those moments with God when we come back in repentance.


sometimes the life of a child can teach you so much. if only the moments of repentance came more often.

Monday, October 26, 2009

to reminisce

verb: to recall past experiences, events



sometimes i think you just need to look back and see where you have been. to look back at your experiences and take them in...again. remember the sights, smells, and tastes. the conversations, friends, and stories. so, here are a few of my favorite pictures/stories.



these are two friends that i made. esther and mary. i will probably never see them again this side of heaven. but, i will forever remember their personalities. esther, quite possibly the sweetest girl i've ever met, and mary, the most energetic girl i've ever met. these girls hold a very special place in my heart, and i will forever remember them.


these are such sweet girls. i never knew their names. but we played and skipped and sang together. i hope and pray that they remember the day that they heard, possibly for the first time, 耶稣爱您.







and i will always remember the people that God has allowed me to walk this journey with. they are some that i have learned from, shared life with, and will always be eternally grateful for!

reminiscing isn't always bad.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

worth it all.



beautiful song. all i could ever say in time of trial. its gonna be worth it...all. anything you have ever gone through, Jesus already went through, making it completely worth it. if for nothing more than to know that He is with you every step of the way. and SAVED you from ALL of it.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

grace and salt

i meet with a group of girls on Tuesday nights for Bible study. right now we are going through the book of James. we also did a little Zumba afterwards tonight...but thats besides the point. we not only did a kick booty workout tonight, but also talked about a section in James that is known to kick a lot of people in the behind.

the deceitful tongue

this gets me in trouble sometimes. it has however, gotten much much better than before. in the Bible it says:

"...For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."
Matthew 12:34

is that really what the overflow of my heart is? goodness gracious! i sure hope not. but how many times, do we as Christians completely mess up on this one. i mean, honestly, not a single person can go another day saying "oh that has never happened." because i don't believe you. we as believers need to put into practice the verse that says:

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
Colossians 4:6

i wish i always put that verse into practice. the only thing i can do now is strive to live this verse out everyday. i can't promise i will be perfect in this, because i am human. but i will do my absolute best in this area. my only hope is that through my words, you see Jesus Christ and His unending love.  
 
will you join me in "seasoning your words"? 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

no one else.

last week/this week was and is going to be hard. with my grandpa's passing last week, and my dad's open heart surgery this week, i am sure it will take a toll on me physically and emotionally. but even in all that, i am so glad for the opportunities to share Jesus with people.

the more i live out life, the more i find the humanity of it all. life is so temporary and fragile. in one instant you can be gone...without a say or without warning.

we spend so much time worrying about how our dad treated us when we were younger, and how much money we make, and what we will eat for dinner.

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
                                                          Matthew 6:28-34
13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
                                                                   Colossians 3:13

if you look through the entire Bible, God provided for everyone who believed in Him. the Matthew passage always gets me. if God cares enough about the birds, how much more does He love and care for me? holy cow! not only am i made in His image, not only did He send His only Son to die for my sins, He, on top of all that (which is already enough), provides for my every need. anything. seriously, i could not have asked for a better life.

so, if God does this all for me, in my very human state, He does it for everyone i come in contact with. that means, the bagger at the grocery store, or the teller at the bank, or the barista at starbucks. God loves each and every one of us, sent His ONLY Son to die for us, and provides for us daily? there is nothing or no one i would rather follow than Jesus Christ.

He. Is. It.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

life in pictures.

my goodness. where to start?! i haven't blogged in soo long. here are a few blurbs about life recently!

 
i got to meet Kari Jobe! woo! super sweet! love her music and the way it just speaks to me. she is one talented girl!

i went to sea world with this precious little girl! love her and her family to death! seriously...love spending time with them!

i get to teach english in this region for a all of July next summer! needless to say i am overjoyed! i cannot wait to see what God has in store for me!

my pappaw passed away. he was always so funny! the last thing i remember is talking to him on the phone about the last car payment i owed him. he thought he was pulling a fast one over on my dad and i...and charged me interest. well...he ended up giving me the interest back and making my last payment smaller. i will for sure miss his train whistling he used to do. oh...and crickets too.
i guess thats it. you never know the amount of time you have with people...or how special they are to you. cherish what you have now. God gives and takes away, but oh my goodness BLESSED BE HIS NAME!

Monday, August 31, 2009

precious.

most days lately, i feel like i could fall asleep at any given moment. i have never been so exhausted all the time...i feel for you moms...i kind of (but not really) have a glimpse at your lives!
i teach toddlers...which if you know the age group...is quite rough. i am beginning to see the reward in it though. it all came from a very honest conversation i had with one of the kids in my class.
as i sat during nap time, trying to make sense of what i was going to do this coming month, one of the two little boys in my class woke up. it was his second day, but already i have become quite fond of the cute kiddo. i let him sit at the table with me and eat some goldfish and drink his juice. now please picture this table, teacher on one side, 1 1/2 year old on the other. papers strewn across the very small table, along with goldfish and a few splatters of apple juice. this little boy, proceeds to share with me this long story in the middle of nap time. don't mind that the entire room is quiet and dark(ish). and...not to mention, i couldn't understand a word he was saying...at all. but oh did he share a story with me. talking in kid jibberish. it was the highlight of my day.
i have come to realize, that even though i have to change stinky diapers and have kids crying around me all day long, that each child is precious. such a sweet gift from God. even though they mess up...they whine...whatever they do, i need to love them the way God loves them. and most importantly see them the way God sees them.
God loves me that way. i mess up...i whine...but through it all He loves me. so, in order to be like Christ, i will do my best to love the way He does. see people the way He does. and act like He would act. outside of that, there is nothing worth trying for.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

beautiful

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

chorus from Beautiful by Bethany Dillon


if you look around you, beauty is trying to be achieved in every aspect of life. people trying to find the right make up, clothing or hairstyle. i have realized more lately, that beauty is not on the outside. sure it is ok to wear nice things or fix our hair a certain way, but what it is not ok to do, is long for it. long to look a certain way.

i teach sunday school at my church First Baptist Orlando, the 11th grade girls. they are the most beautiful girls i have ever seen. they long for beauty. but what they don't see, is that their hearts are the most beautiful thing about them. even though they sometimes don't make the wisest decisions, they are always trying to improve themselves. it is so nice to see young ladies trying to become the women God wants them to be.

has that made me realize my own beauty? absolutely not. God has shown me that i may not be perfect outside. but what is perfect is the way God created me to be. there is nothing or no one that can steal that from me. God has made me perfect the way i am. sure i mess up...actually i mess up all the time. but that is what is so beautiful about God....even though i mess up...He loves me anyways.

goodness i am one lucky girl.

"The king is enthralled by your beauty;
       honor him, for he is your Lord."
                             Psalm 45:11

Thursday, August 13, 2009

what's love got to do?

i have had a lot of thoughts on love lately. there is just something about it that is captivating. i mean really, we all came into the world as a result of love, we are all able to be saved from this world because of love, and one day we will have the ability to love deeper than any man or woman has ever known.

there is nothing more beautiful than a wedding ceremony completely centered on Christ. i have been to two weddings recently that have seriously ushered me to the throne....in a wedding. the last place you would think...right? i am currently re-reading Captivating by Jon and Staci Eldridge. they paint the love of Christ in a different way, a way that was displayed at these weddings.

God loves us. i mean seriously loves us. just think of the look you see on a groom's face the minute he sees his bride. that is the look that God gives us everyday. He sees us as beautiful, perfect, pure brides. now i know for you men, that is a weird thought. the point is, God loves you so much more than any man or woman on this earth could love. He loves you more than the sin in your life. He loves you enough to sacrifice his ONLY son for you. that is deep love.

we are to love as Christ loves. deeply, passionately, unconditionally. if only we loved that way towards everyone.

Monday, July 27, 2009

closer.

sometimes i ask why. things don't always go my way, so i question the very God that knows more about me than i do and knows more about what will happen in my life than i do. sometimes its hard to understand why things happen.

there is a family in my church that has experienced great loss in their lives. a few months ago they lost their oldest son and brother Steve suddenly. now, just a few short months later, they have lost one of their remaining two sons, Mike. i mean, how much can one family take? meanwhile the father, Jeff, found out he has cancer. good grief!

i honestly sat and was like "really God? really? them again? how much more can they take?"

and as i walked out the door...i saw this.




it is the brightest rainbow i have ever seen in my entire life. every single color was present. and also in full view. it literally stopped me in my tracks.

as i continued to process the loss this family has endured, i came to realize that God is faithful. He is with us in every trial. and with every trial our faith grows. we learn perseverance. no matter how bad it may seem, no matter the loss, He has already been through it. He knows how you feel. He lost His own Son. He seriously gets it.

God "is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18). He has saved you. He is closer than you think. even when times are crappy, and you can't feel His presence...He is there waiting for you to rest your head on His shoulder and cry out to Him.

He is so close. Do you see Him?

Friday, July 24, 2009

a look at persecution.

you may think, that as an American, you have innumerable things to be thankful for. and for that, you are correct. however, for the things we get, we are growing increasingly less thankful for them. think about your faith. you can go to church whenever you want to. you can pray however you want to and wherever you want to. you can sing praises to God in your car, on your roof, or in a grocery store...and no one can stop you. we have freedom in this country, that you should be grateful for.





did you know that there are about 37 restricted countries around the world? that means, christians are persecuted for their faith. out of all 238 countries in the world, 70 million people have been martyred for their faith over the last 20 centuries. they are beaten, thrown in prison, and sometimes killed...if they do not renounce what they believe.





now, just by comparison, we have it fairly well. i have never met someone in America who was beaten because they were a christian...not saying it doesn't happen...just saying it is very very rare.





in Matthew 28:16-20, Jesus commands us (Christians, Christ followers, believers) to "go and make disciples." did you know that 67% of the people in the world have NEVER heard the name of Jesus? i am no math major, but that is a lot. if we are ALL called to do this, why are we not doing it?





you wanna know why? because it is "all about me" in our world today. the number one restricted country has THE FASTEST growing Christian expansion-10,000 new believers per day! they get it. they know that God created them for a bigger purpose. God wants you. He wants to use you. He wants to show you how magnificent He is. He does that through us taking up partnership with Him in sharing the gospel. it is the greatest thing you can do for someone...to share the love, sacrifice, grace, and redemption that Christ is.





what are you doing to reach that 67%?






Saturday, July 18, 2009

summer.

life lately has been relaxing. sleeping in and hanging out with friends and family makes up for most of my days. here is a little peek into life as of late.



kim and i have been hanging out a lot. she makes me laugh...most of the time. we have had some great conversations and learned some sweet dance moves this summer!


a group of us got together for 4th of July. that was fun! we could see Disney fireworks over the lake...not to mention the gorgeous sunset that night...proof below.



this sunset is absolutely stunning. still can't get over it.



Dianna and i spent free slurpee day together...full of adventures into the wilderness. we of course stopped for a slurpee before and after our adventure. i'm sure that we will travel again. to see footage and pictures...go to facebook.


seriously, this is the most fun part. John and Jennifer got married!! it has been such a blessing to watch their relationship unfold into a beautiful marriage. i remember when it all began, and to see their love for God and love for each other is so encouraging. seriously, its a great portrait of what marriage should be.

Monday, July 13, 2009

battlefield.

"10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." ~Ephesians 6:10-18

i think we need to remember this passage. sometimes i forget that God gave us an entire armor to put on daily. i find it all so interesting. the armor is impenetrable. this passage gives me a reason to go out and fight some battles. seriously, when armed with this, who can stop you?

have you fought any battles lately? me either. i need to wear this more often.

Monday, July 6, 2009

theories on love.

i have this theory on the way relationships should work. as dumb as the whole "if you are running to Christ and he is running to Christ you will meet on your journey" thing sounds...its kind of true. i have thoughts on two kinds of relationships...and i will share them with you.

1.the perfect-for-each-other relationship
this relationship is ideal. its the kind of relationship that each person is fine being separated from the other for short amounts of time. it is also the kind of relationship where each person is still themselves...just a little more reserved. for instance, i know two couples (they will remain nameless) that have this down. they are still who they have always been, even though they are in serious relationships. you know that they love Christ, and they love each other, and because of that the people around them feel encouraged, loved, and see such a reflection of Christ. they aren't that couple that makes single people feel awkward. they are the couple that makes single people find hope for relationships to begin with.

2. the opposites-attract relationship
this relationship is by far the most puzzling to me. its the one where you look at the couple and think "what do they have in common?" but once you get to know them, you realize how they have taught each other so much. i know another couple that is like this. the guy, intelligent and bold. the girl, quiet and witty. while they both have flaws (i'm sure) they have learned so much. the girl has learned what being a woman of God is supposed to look like. and the guy has learned how to be a leader in all areas. its beautiful watching it play out. and seeing the growth in both of them makes me smile, because it goes to show that God is real and He is compassionate.


those are the two relationships that i find the most intriguing. sometimes i can feel bitter. the fact that i am single and have no prospects can almost be depressing at times. but when you look at the way Christ designed marriage to be, you have to have hope. there are a lot of people that can't find hope in their singleness, but if you just look around you at the people in relationships (if they are God honoring) you cannot help but see it. and on top of that, looking at those relationships will help you realize how much God loves you.

God is awesome. and i am so blessed.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

thankful

that last post was heavy. but it was also heavy on my heart...so i had to put it out there. sometimes the best thing i can do is write it out. its a release...and now i am ok. well...to an extent.

i have come to realize all that i am thankful for. i know that may sound cliche, but when i look at what other people don't have i am amazed. for instance, and this is in no way to be dishonoring to those of you that have parents like this, but i am extremely thankful for my parents who still love each other. sure they have had their moments, but what it shows me is that marriage isn't all fun and games. its a process and it takes work.

i am also very thankful for the freedom i have in America. i think so many times i take it for granted. when i look at people in other countries that don't get to worship God freely, it breaks my heart. America can seem terrible on any given day, but to every other country, we are the richest happiest people in the world. if only they knew that our country is far from happy or rich. however, i am still thankful for those that fight for my freedom everyday. without them, i don't know what i would do!

i am so thankful for my friends. i thrive on being social. if i am not around people i feel completely bored and left out. if it weren't for my friends, i would be a hermit. they will never know the impact they have on me daily. and i thank God for them all the time.

even though we fight a lot, i am thankful for my siblings. they might irritate the snot out of me, but hey...thats what they are supposed to do...right? if i lost one of them, i have no idea what i would do. which makes me so thankful for them.

most of all, i am thankful for my God. He loves me when i am unlovable. He provides for me when i am completely broke. He comforts me when i am broken. and He strengthens me when i am weak. not to mention He sent His son to die for me so i can spend eternity with Him. now tell me, what about that is not something to be thankful for?

you will never know what you have, until you step back, and genuinely admire it.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

total honesty

for some reason lately, i have become keenly aware of my single state. i thought about this so much, that i am finally to the point where i can talk about it without getting either really angry or really sad. i was actually reading this and it made me laugh. seriously...laughed really hard.

anyways, it seems like the whole world is in a relationship. while i know that my statement is a bit of an exaggeration...it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. i know, i know...that whole "you don't need someone to fulfill you" deal...trust me. all i need is Jesus. seriously, i get it.

i feel like, that because i am stating that the deep longing of my heart is to be married, completely voids anything i have ever said about loving being single. almost like, i have hidden this side...and i don't want anyone to see it. which isn't true at all.

i do realize that i, sometimes, do not prioritize my life the right way. therefore, if i had a boyfriend, he would probably take up most of my time...and that just cannot happen. i need to focus on God's plan for my life. which i am so ready to encounter its not even funny.

so, then the question becomes, "how do i find God's will for my life, without compartmentalizing?"

what a huge question...that i will probably never figure out. what i do know, is that if i am doing what God intended me to do, that is the best for me. if it includes a "partner in crime" then by all means, bring it on. but if its not, i just have to learn to be ok with that. i have to learn that what i think is best, is not always what God thinks is best. i have to learn to just be ok being me...whether with someone or without someone.

this is a hard lesson to learn.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

missing asia....already

good grief. i mean, i knew it would happen, but this early? God seriously has my heart on this one. i got some pictures...so here they are...well a few. and they aren't mine...they are my teammates...so keep that in mind.


this is my new friend Samantha*. she is absolutely stunning. we bonded the first english corner that we had and became fast friends. she is so sweet. when i shared the Gospel, she got it. she just understood. though she did not become a "believer", i know that God is rapidly pursuing her heart and will get it one day soon.



this is Katie*. she was fun. i only met her one day, but she has been emailing me the past week or so. i hope to be able to share with her over email, which might be hard. its worth a try though.



this picture reminds me of a day that was hysterical. the day began with me being asked to role play "speed dating"...which i declined...tactfully i hope. then ended with this, an American Dance Party. complete with us teaching the cupid shuffle, the chacha slide, the electric slide, the macarana, and some swing dancing. it was so so funny. after this party though, i was able to share with two girls...i wish i had gotten their email, or had more time to meet with them.



and finally, this was our last night. it was bittersweet because i know that i will see these people again...but at the same time, sad because so much work is still to be done. these people captured my heart...once again. i am so thankful that God allowed me to go and be a part of His wonderful plan. i cannot wait to go back.


*names changed for safety.

Monday, June 15, 2009

return of the world traveler

well i have returned from all my traveling. hopefully this is the last of the summer....other than the occasional beach trip. i have been so busy, i haven't even really debriefed myself from my mission trip to asia. but, what i do know, is what i am about to share.

the trip was phenomenal. my heart has grown immensely for the people of asia...i can hardly contain myself. i know i say that all the time, but this time is different. when people ask me how my trip was, i gave just a general "it was so good." but at the core of my being i just want to bust out crying. there is nothing more heart wrenching than leaving people that you have grown so fond of. i know God has called me to be His love to a hurting country and people.

my memory card on my camera broke, otherwise i would share pictures. but let me just say, i remember every face and name. i remember things we talked about, where we went, where they are spiritually...some things are not easily forgotten.

i know that i know that i know Jesus saved me from a lifetime separated from Him. what in the world would stop me from telling other people they can have that same salvation? nothing.

i hope and pray God brings you to a place where your heart is absolutely captivated by a people group. i pray that God would keep that on your heart until you take the step. most of all, i pray for all the people i met, and will meet on past and future trips...that God might use me in a way that brings glory to Him and shows others about my God and His neverending love.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

ASIA

well, i leave in a little over 24 hours now for one of my favorite places ever. there is a distinct smell of asia...and i can already smell it just a little. i'm not even gone yet! haha!

i wish i could update this while i am gone, but alas, i will not be able to. the risk is too great. however, you my faithful blog readers can do me a favor.

PRAY.

i am so so excited to be going, but along with that come many worries and fears. all of which are nothing when you take into account the wonderful job God has bestowed upon me to do. nothing makes me more excited than sharing Jesus. and nothing would be more worth dying for.

here are a few things to be praying for.

health, safety, local christians, NON BELIEVERS, workers on the field already, me, my team, and God to use us in the most awesome way possible! see you in a few weeks!

Monday, May 18, 2009

worst weekend of my life

well, usually my weekends start on Thursdays since that is my last day of work for the week...sort of. i work t/w/th/s so...it is a kinda. anyways, i pull up to work on thursday after being asked to come in early....to chat with my boss. see, my boss is my discipleship leader...so i really thought nothing of it. well, she tells me to clock in (1st warning sign since i'm 30 minutes early) and then it begins. she starts to tell me that because enrollment is so low for next year, she is having to let people go. she is only having one aide...and there are not enough students for an afternoon class. therefore, leaving me without a job after this coming Thursday. complete bummer.

so that happens...and it didn't really hit me until around lunch. and it hit me hard. all the wondering of what i would do for all the bills, helping out the family, and all those things that you usually think about after losing a job. granted, i still have another part time job, that maybe gives me ten hours a week...so going from 31 to 10...is quite a loss.

then i got called to go into work on Friday for a teacher. that was fine, but on the way home...little did i know something was wreaking havoc on my body. my throat became sore on one side. i thought nothing of it...until i woke up saturday morning with a sore throat that felt like someone was stabbing me in the esophagus everytime i swallowed. absolutely horrible. so, i got some antibiotics and am still taking them, but man, they don't work fast enough. my throat feels loads better, however my nose is so stuffy. just can't win.

and, on top of all this, i leave for asia in 5 days. that adds another stress since they are checking temperatures on the plane because of the whole swine flu. but, GOD IS IN CONTROL....even though i can't figure out why this is happening. He is in control, and i have to trust that.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

exhaustion

you know when you get to that point...the one when all you want to do is sleep? that is me right now. literally and figuratively.

i am in the midst of chaos...seriously. from school ending, to babysitting, to leaving in 11 days for Asia, i am seriously exhausted. non-stop for me...maybe a little too much lately. the only time i feel rested, is my daily time with God. i know you hear it all the time, "spend time in the Word and you will feel better," but its really true. i have been reading through this preparation guide thing for my trip...and it has a bunch of scriptures to read, but i have been reading it at night. it seriously prepares me for sleep. i know that sounds funny, but when i wake up i feel rested...which never usually happens (especially when you go to bed at midnight and have to get up at 5am).

for now...i just need rest. rest in His sweet presence and rest on my pillow.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

i will rise

for lack of something better to write...i am going to comment on these lyrics by Chris Tomlin from his song I Will Rise:


There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"


And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise


good grief this song hit me. i was driving to small group on monday night, and Jesus surrounded me as i drove. there is a peace i've come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail, there's an anchor for my soul, i can say 'it is well.' i mean...Jesus is the peace. we have complete victory through His death and resurrection. how glorious will that day be when He calls my name. oh my goodness, i cannot even fathom it.

if there is one thing i wish to do with my life, it is to glorify Jesus Christ and make His name known.

Friday, May 1, 2009

prayers of the saints.

you may be asking me if i know the Dave Barnes song called "prayers of the saints." and if you know me...you know i do...because Dave Barnes is my absolute favorite musician. but...besides that, the title of that song got me thinking...especially as of late.

there is nothing like having fellow believers pray for you. its kind of like this spiritual army that you rally around yourself to help protect you from the onslaught of the Devil. this past week, after i had done my quiet time, the Devil attacked me.

i have always had dreams. some have been strange and funny....others have been a sort of movie like scene where i am the "dream girl" who has someone falling in love with me (really...what girl doesn't dream of that at some point?). this dream though, was unlike any other. it was a nightmare beyond terrifying. i can't really tell you the details, because i don't really remember them. i just remember this figure...the ugliest thing i have ever seen...and it absolutely terrified me. i knew the Devil was attacking me in preparation for my trip, but the only defense i could come up with (which was the best defense) was to start praying scripture. every verse i could possibly think of popped in my head and i prayed it. i finally fell asleep. slept like a baby after that.

the next day i texted some friends and shared at bible study what had happened. and wouldn't you know it...prayer works. i don't know why we think it takes forever...because it doesn't. well, sometimes it seems that way, but its just our lack of listening for the answer. anyways, i honestly felt the presence of God the rest of the week. i still do. its like i have ten angels surrounding me at all times. like God has put some sort of shield around me protecting me from the flaming arrows of the Devil.

so, all that to say...pray for your friends, family, enemies, anyone you can think of, because even in the midst of chaos, He is the only constant.

Psalm 18:39
You armed me with strength for battle; you made my adversaries bow at my feet.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

EA: A Tribute


i have been going through my old EA pictures from two years ago and have discovered this beauty. i decided that this post would be dedicated to that trip...and the many stories that went along with it! enjoy! (btw...they are in reverse order from their happening)



this is M (in white) and C (in green) teaching Jennifer and i how to play a "hopping game." M really wanted to play it and the gist of it is you hop on one foot and try to out hop the main hopper. if you are caught you have to sing a song. yeah...strange..i know.



this is R. she was absolutely a blast. Jennifer and i went shopping with her and her friend after this picture was taken. she was making "hot pot" for us and put a whole chicken in the pot. when i hit the head with my chopsticks and it floated to the top...i very discreetly picked up a potato instead of the head. the head is to be revered....or so i heard.



this little girl was my bff for about 2 hours or so. while she doesn't look happy in this picture, she for sure would not leave my side. i would have taken her home, but i don't know how i would have gotten her back.


oh my. these girls are amazing. seriously.



E and M. definite favs on the trip. we got to hang out with them almost everyday...which was awesome! love them and still pray for them constantly. i wish i could go see them again.



this girl, we met on our first day in the city. she was super sweet and made some awesome pants for me and a skirt for Jennifer. she had never seen Americans before or seen American money. i gave her some to keep. i mean, who knows if she would ever get that chance again!



and that my friends. was the greatest experience of my life...to this point. i cannot wait to go back in just a few short weeks! seriously, you cannot contain the excitement.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

rest

i've decided i am way too busy. i never have a true sabbath...which is not good. business consumes my life it seems like. run from work to discipleship, from discipleship to babysitting, from babysitting to home. repeat sequence...but fill in different stuff. ugh. i could complain about more things, but that would just be depressing. so i will refrain...

if you know me, you know that i am a people person. i absolutely LOVE hanging out with people doing nothing really. although...i do love talking. haha! and i could fill each day up with hanging out with people.

so, all this to say, i need to remove things from my life. assess all that i do, and see which i can cut out. because lets face it, you can't do EVERYTHING you want to do. there just isn't time for it. you have to be in tune with what God wants you to do. i know you're probably thinking that its kind of silly to be in tune with God on the daily grind, but seriously, we as Americans (or people in general) have way too much excess in our lives. i wish i were enough in tune with God to know what to cut out. i'm not there yet. but, over the next few days and weeks i know He will reveal himself to me. i just have to be open to the change that i so desperately need. even though i hate change.

oh to have rest once again. this whole "being busy" deal has got to stop.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

a lesson in faith from a 9 year old


this sweet girl is Gracyn Denbesten. she is absolutely precious! on Christmas she became ill and found out that she needed a heart transplant. she has been waiting for one since that day, and TONIGHT she gets a new heart! please pray for her as she gets ready for the surgery and pray for the doctors that they will be ready as well! pray for the sweet donor family that had to lose a child in order for Gracyn to recieve this heart.


i don't know if i have talked about this before, but i will talk about it again.

i have never had my faith really tested. growing up in a christian home i always knew that God was there and would provide. i knew he was always by my side and would be "strength in weakness." but as i have watched the Denbesten family through this whole ordeal, their faith has remained strong. there have been times of weakness for them, but they continue to have faith in the Almighty God.

Gracyn has an amazing testimony. she has more strength than anyone i have ever met. she seriously blows me away. but i know that Gracyn does not take any credit for her strength, that it is all for Jesus Christ. how amazing that a 9 year old has more strength than me...a 23 year old.

she challenges me. its so funny to me how roles can be reversed. how you think someone my age is supposed to be the strong one. isn't it awesome how God has different gifts for all of us, and sometimes we choose not to see the gifts children have. Gracyn is definitely an inspiration and a great teacher in the area of faith. i would like to say that i would be ok with what she has endured, but i honestly believe i would have given into the temptation of depression.

this all goes to show that God is THE only one we should give praise to. He is the creator and author of our lives. He knows our sitting down and our rising. He knows our name, sees our flaws, and loves us anyways.

if you don't know Jesus as your Savior....you should. Because he knows everything you have EVER done and loves you despite it. He saves you from the despair of an eternity in Hell. All you have to do is accept Him. don't you want to know someone that sent His only son to die for your sins? i did. and it was the absolute best decision of my life.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

intricate.


this is a picture that a friend put on her facebook. if you can't tell what it is, it is an xray nebula that is 150 lightyears across. and yes, if you are asking its shape, it is a hand. you can see the full article here at cnn.com.

i believe, after much thought and study, that you can see God in everything. you can see Him in the flowers, in the rain, in a smile, and by this picture...you can see Him in space. if that doesn't blow your mind, i really don't know what will. it just goes to show that God is in every detail of life. He doesn't want to miss a second of it...He can't. God reveals Himself through the simplest things.

have you ever paid attention to ants. you know, those pesky little insects that bite and cause great irritation. have you ever looked at them (before you smooshed them)? they have the tiniest bodies ever. yet they have so much power. to further illustrate this...i will direct you to a louie giglio message. you can watch it here. the whole thing is about this DNA molecule called laminin. basically there is this molecule deep within our bodies that looks like this:



does anyone else find this exciting? God is intricately woven into every fiber of our being. when we were "made in the image of God" he means...we were REALLY made in the image of God. everything in our lives point to God who made us and has compassion on us everyday. i mean, He sent His only son to die for us. could you ask for a love deeper than that?

Thursday, April 9, 2009

unfathomable love

i was reading my friend's blog yesterday and started processing it all. she wrote about being the bride of Christ and the excitement we get from all that and how we get to be all these things in anticipation of Christ.

then, last night we participated in a passover Seder. it was really hard for me to grasp the fact that one night, Jesus is having dinner with his disciples, and just a few hours later He was hanging on a cross.

how many times do i take that for granted? just the fact that we get to be excited about Christ and spending our lives with Him, wrapped up and involved in every part of His character, that we take it for granted. i can tell you, i don't study the Word like i should. its a struggle...daily. but you know, i am really convicted about that. just the fact that i am kind of saying to God, "oh well, i don't need to spend time with you today. i've had enough of your presence for one day." and that absolutely breaks my heart! i cannot believe that i would do something like that!

but, you know what? Christ still died for my sins. He knew that i would say to Him i didn't want to spend time with him, but He died anyways. brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. that unfathomable love He gave is amazing. only Christ can give that love, and isn't it awesome to think about? does that make me keep doing it? absolutely not! who likes to be loved and not loved in return? no one. and to the maker of the universe, the protector of my heart, the Savior of the world, there is nothing more i'd rather do than love Him and wrap my life completely in His.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

contentment

i am currently reading a book called Lady in Waiting: How to Become God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right. Granted, some of the things it says are way too cheesy for my liking, it says some good things.

yesterday at discipleship, we were talking about my friend (she was in this conversation) who is getting married soon. the question was posed to me, "are you a dating snob?" and i was like, "well, no...but sort of, i guess." this was after asking my qualities that are a "must have" in a man (i'll save the list for another time to share). and i really thought about it for a minute, and was like, no i'm not. i just know what i want and what God wants for me. there are things that are perks, but not to the point where i won't even consider them because of it.

the chapter we just finished was called "Lady of Contentment." i thought it fitting to think about this for awhile. am i content? what does that mean? how can i be more content? so, this battle inside my head raged on. here is my conclusion.

i am content. content in the fact that Jesus is my Savior, and right now i am trusting He knows best (which he does). content that i am single...and have been for 23 years. this has honestly been a real struggle. i see in my life, all my friends getting married, having boyfriends, yada yada yada. as a single woman, it at times, can be disheartning. but FINALLY after many years of questioning God and why He is letting these other girls have it, and not me, i have realized that i just have to be content in who i am in Jesus. because honestly, isn't being close to Jesus the ultimate goal? it is mine.

in this time of my life, i am content. i have time to go on mission trips for weeks on end, time to invest into 10th grade girls' lives, and more time than ever to serve those around me. there is not a better place i would rather be than this place in my life. not many people are blessed enough to be able to do whatever God leads without someone tagging along in the background. i know that one day, that will be so exciting, but for now, i am content with who i continue to become in Christ Jesus.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

bad rap and the rescue

here, i shall vent for a few moments. then end with some awesome things that God is doing!

tonight, on my way home from church, i received a text from my sister talking about a church from Topeka coming to FBC/Orlando to protest on Saturday night. so, to see if what she was saying was true, i went to their website. sure enough i found a "list of preachings" in the lower left corner. i clicked, i found, and i scrolled down to the proper date. and, the things they said about Pastor and the church are mind blowing. they are ubsurd and disgusting. they are rude and completely false. to be Christ to people, we have to love the unlovable. Jesus did it. and we are called to. no where in the bible does it say to hate people because of their life choice. it says to not agree with them, but not to HATE them. sheesh. and we wonder why people don't like Christians! its because of these people that give us a bad rap.


ok. sorry. it just makes me angry to no end. people that don't know Jesus deserve to know that Jesus is the only reason for anyone to live and that we are all sinners saved by grace. and if God hated you, he wouldn't have sent HIS ONLY SON TO DIE FOR YOU!


ok, before all this happened, i watched the 2nd invisible children video i have seen. i encourage you to go to invisiblechildren.com to see what its all about. it is all about rescuing children in Africa from the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army). this army kidnaps children and forces them into a rebel army killing hundreds of thousands of people. this organization is amazingly effective at reaching this people group. they have talked to senators, the president, UN people and many more people on behalf of these children. these children fight for their lives every day. i cannot even imagine what they go through on a daily basis. so, i am joining the rescue. this organization has ended night commuting (where kids would commute from the homes to a large city to protect themselves from being kidnapped), they have helped the effort of displacement (the kids sleeping in boxes), and now they need everyone's help in rescuing the children from the LRA. please, won't you help me?!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

strong women of faith

my discipleship group and i are reading a book called Lady In Waiting. its all about becoming what God wants you to be while waiting for "mr. right." this book is not only a great resource, but it goes through the book of Ruth. it shows comparisons from modern day to back then and also each chapter is named after a characteristic of Ruth.

one thing about this book of the Bible that i find interesting is Ruth's abandonment of everything she knew. the only thing she knew, was that God was the only way to have fulfillment in life. that inspires me. sometimes i wonder if i live my life in abandonment to God. i wonder if the things i do from day to day are God honoring. sometimes, the things i do are not God honoring, and i must repent with an honest heart.

i am also going through the book of Esther with a friend. this has helped both of us, i think. it is great to be reminded that women are strong when they are on their own. now, i am not a part of the feminist movement, but i do believe that God has designed women to be strong without men. and that only comes from complete contentment in God and his abundant mercies. when you are truly reliant on God, you are strong. i know what God has called me to, and i believe that i am good at what i do. i fail...everyday, but i think being a strong woman is more than just getting things right, its failing as well.

now, Esther did not fail. she was "favored" by the king and he did pretty much whatever she asked. with Mordecai's help she pretty much, delivered her people out of a certain death. what a great woman of faith to look up to.

my mom always asks me about different guys and if i think they are "mr. right" and i usually tell her no and to stop asking me that question. sometimes it gets to me, but not as much as it used to. i can say that God has healed my heart of that and only by His amazing love can i say that. i believe i have become a strong woman because of God believing in me. despite my failures, he says "i can still use you!" what a great relief! isn't it awesome to know that, as women, God gave us many women to aspire to in the Bible. and if that truth isn't enough, HE gave us His Son, so we can live to be more than ever imagined.

Monday, March 23, 2009

revisiting asia


if you know me at all, you know that just about everything that comes out of my mouth is about Asia. i just can't get enough of it. something about it intrigues me. maybe its the fact that at any given moment you could be severely persecuted for your Faith. or maybe its the fact that a small city has 1 million people in it. or that there are still hundreds of thousands of people still unreached for the Gospel.

i love their culture. they are so hospitable and extremely gracious. but, they tell you like it is which is hard to find in American culture. it was here, that my love for kids really grew. here is a short story about the far left picture at the top of my page.



my team and i were walking around just prayer walking. it was so interesting to pray out loud while walking. anyways, we were at the main entrance to the city and just taking in the sights, smiling at people yet praying for them at the same time. as we were wandering around in pairs, a fellow teammate and i noticed that we were being followed by 3 girls, about elementary school age. we would look at them and they would giggle and run, but they kept following us. until finally we stopped. we stopped at this open courtyard/square area to meet up with our group. these girls excitedly come over, since we were the only Americans (white people) they would possibly see in their lifetime.

as we stopped, jennifer and i (thats my teammate) decided to teach a few games. so, here we are with about ten kids around us, playing London Bridge. it was a sure hit, and they knew the game! so, we decided to teach them another game. duck, duck, goose was next on our list. they, however, had not played this game. so we taught it to them. soon enough, we realized that our circle had grown 3 times its original size and a crowd had stopped to watch. so, here we are, about 10 total on my team, in the midst of some of the coolest people on the planet. so, we stop our game of duck, duck, goose and continue to a game of red light, green light. this was a hit. that lasted a few rounds, then we started to get tired. playing with kids is hard work sometimes!

after that we ventured over to a set of stairs that were closeby. we (the americans) sat down to take a load off...the people followed us. so, a teammate pulled out his guitar and started playing worship songs. people listened intently, and during that time, those 3 cute little girls surrounded me. we took pictures, and laughed, and sang (well i sang) and clapped. about halfway through singing, someone, asian mind you, asks the guy playing guitar to sing a hymn. but, what is even cooler, is he only knew it in spanish, and she only knew it in manderin! now, i know you probably picture this lady to be late 20's early 30's...nope. this woman had to be in her late 60's early 70's. how cool is it, to know that someone that age, on the complete opposite side of the world, knows Jesus, when it is very much frowned upon in her culture!

so, the singing comes to an end. i pull out a picture of an old friend and i and give it to the girls. and we walk off hand in hand. they tried to ask me questions, but i couldn't answer because of the language. but i would give anything to see those precious girls again.

they simply changed my life.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

kids

kids are fun. i see them 5 out of 7 days in the week. some for hours on end, which ends up being fun...most of the time. :)

here are some of my favorites...via pictures. i think i shall post a story about them after each picture!



this is Ella and Magnus. two of 4 that i babysit on a weekly basis. they are super fun! at this point Magnus was sick, but still managed to find this purse and walk around the house with it. it was hilarious! and he LOVED wearing it! haha...oh little kids!



this is Evan Lorenz and i. he is super funny. although, his emotions get the best of him sometimes, he still manages to make me laugh...every time i see him. here we were glow-in-the-dark mini golfing with the college ministry and took a break for some silly pictures! notice his shirt is glowing!




this is caleb and lily. they are in my class at CEC (child enrichment center) and have a crush on each other. its so cute to watch their pre-school romance blossom! haha! Caleb will make this face at me and scrunch his little nose up...cutest thing EVER! and Lily just cracks me up! she always questions me and says "for real?" and i just die laughing cause its hilarious.



and this cutie is Avajane. i love her. like...seriously. if she didn't have amazing parents i would adopt her. i pretty much love her like she was my own child...which is funny...cause i don't have any kids. we both like hanging out at sea world together. she is the smartest 2 year old i know. she knows all her sea creatures...and especially loves the dolphins!



oh my goodness. these girls are some of my favorites as well! they are so joyful...all the time! i love Emma and her dramatics, and Abby and her silly questions, and Caroline and her rendition of "the itsy bitsy monkey." basically, the greatest girls ever! (outside of the ones previously mentioned)



so, that's a little glimpse into the kids that i see on an almost daily basis. they make my life sweeter and more joyful. while they do try my patience...quite a bit...they still bring joy. i'm so glad God changed my plans and called me to be a teacher. i don't know what i was thinking going with Public Relations!! just goes to show that nothing is impossible for God!

Friday, March 20, 2009

tithe offering.

in my small group on monday, we talked about finances. mostly, we talked about tithing. whether its biblical (which it is), how much to give, the difference between tithe and offering (if there was one), and we just shared pretty openly about tithing. and honestly, tithing and giving has been on my mind constantly.

with the economy the way it is right now, i am extremely blessed to have 2 part time jobs. it allows me to give back to God what is rightfully His and also pay my responsibilities. one thing that i have noticed though is God has blessed me through this obedience to Him. like i said before, i am extremely blessed to have a job, but other people who are very near and dear to my heart are not fortunate enough to have a job that pays the bills.

enter change.

my family is in financial stresses. which, i believe every family is in. being the oldest child, it is very hard to know this fact and sit back. i feel my parents have paid for all my junk almost my entire life, so the least i could do is try to help out here and there...financially. like picking up some things at the store. i did that earlier this week. when they told me they would pay me back i told them not to worry. i mean, honestly God gave me that money for a reason...so i'm going to use it when i feel called.

another story is a dear friend. she doesn't have a job and is not from this state. and seeing the stress/fear in her eyes wednesday night broke my heart. in all actuality, i had been thinking of giving her some cash for awhile (since i knew her financial need), but of course, ignored the prompting of the Holy Spirit. well, wednesday i called another friend. and the other friend and i felt God leading us to give her some money...so we did. it was an entire night worth of babysitting money for me, but that didn't even matter. as i handed her the money, both of us had tears in our eyes, and at that moment, i knew it was truly God who led my friend and i to give it to her.

there has never been a time where i was in serious financial difficulty...thank the Lord for that! but even in financial difficulty (because i know it will come at some point), i will remain obedient. only because the Lord blessed me, the Lord is so mighty, the Lord protects and provides, and above all He is alone worthy to be praised. if you want to hold onto your money, don't. giving it away is one of the most rewarding experiences in your life.