conviction

have you ever wondered something, but didn't know why? i have my beliefs, and for the most part, they rest on Biblical truths. but i don't think i have ever been at a crossroads with my faith before. not something huge and lifechanging. i try my best to be what God intends me to be, but nothing to the point where i had absolutely no idea what to do. none.

for instance, with missions, and my wonderful trip to Asia. while it was life changing, i never dealt with the huge uncertainty. the Bible clearly states that we are to "go and make disciples," so i went. there was doubt, but nothing like this.

i am placed in a situation that is neither bad nor good. its one where i have to weigh the options. nothing about this situation is clearly wrong and nothing is clearly right to me. caught in the middle of people knowing for a fact that this is what they should do and the lingering thought in my head that says something is not right.

i know that the road that leads to righteousness is hard and narrow. nothing about being a christian is supposed to be easy. but how many times would we rather the easy road, than the road less traveled? i do believe God is teaching me. He is teaching me to depend wholly on Him. that He alone is the answer. that there is NO ONE else above Him. so why am i stuck?

i keep asking myself why other people get it, and i don't. this is not a pity party. am i supposed to speak up, possibly against something that everyone else is so "gung-ho" for? do i make a pro's and con's list? do i do nothing?

9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.

10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

-Psalm 46:9-11

specialties in life

i think that i am in love. in love with life and what God has blessed me with. i have wonderful friends that are encouraging everyday. i have a great family and parents that continuously provide for me. i have a fantastic job that i love going to everyday....and that used to not be the case.

i know a family that is dealing with a difficult issue with their newest addition to the family. they are super sweet and so blessed. through this difficult time they have relied on God in a way that is unbelievable. im sure the times are still hard and the pain is still there, but they know that God has his merciful and comforting arms around them. it amazes me constantly, not only their strength, but the mighty power of Jesus Christ.

i love chinese. anything chinese and i love it...ok not anything...but most everything. hearing of all the turmoil going on before the olympics and seeing the opening ceremonies opened my eyes even more. their culture captivates me. it enthralls me. it definitely leaves me wanting more. what makes me even more intrigued is the fact that so many people are lost in that country. it saddens me, but makes me want to jump into action.


i think that as a Christian sometimes we dont see the big picture. we are lost in our struggles...our desires...the things that matter most to us. while Christ may be one of them, He should be the most important. His will should line up with our priorities. His timing should match ours. we try to take the reigns, but as usual, fall short of accomplishing much. life is hard. there is nothing that is easy about it. being a Christian is hard, "the gate is narrow and the road is hard" (Matt. 7:14). so, all that being said, rely on God and you will have safety. you will have comfort for the hard times. you will have provision in your life. you will have strengthened relationships. and most of all you will fall more madly in love with the Savior that desperately wants to know you.

so...conclusions?

Matt. 7:13-14 "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."

James 1:3-5 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

Colossians 1:6
"All over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God's grace in all its truth."

Micah 7:8-9
"Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise, Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light, Because I have sinned against him, I will bear the Lord's wrath until he pleads my case and establishes my right. He will bring me out into the light; I will see his rightousness."

my God is everlasting. my God will never let me down. my God loves me. my God died for my sins. dont you want to know that kind of God? i would if i were you.

matters of the heart

getting your heart broken is never a fun experience. you cry, veg out on chocolate and sappy chic flicks, and you are just plain miserable to be around. then after you do all your self pitying, there comes a point of anger. where you want to bash in his car (like in Carrie Underwood's song) and make he/she hurt as much as you do. never never a fun experience.

when i look back on all the guys that i have liked...there was never a point when i came to reality and said "oh...he doesn't like me" it was always "there is a chance!" when...in all actuality, there never was and never would be. haha! needless to say, my thoughts on the matter have changed. there are still points where my heart gets broken. but, God has taught me how to be strong on my own. i do not need a guy to fulfill my life's purpose. yes, that would be nice, cause eventually i DO want kids, but to live, breath and function, it is not a necessity.

anyways, all that to say, i was bitter and broken hearted for the longest time. Satan had a hold on me like none other. twisting my heart into every way it could go, wringing it out of anything good in there....except for God. sometimes Satan even stomped on it and shattered it into millions of tiny pieces (some of which are still missing). it made me sad. sometimes depressed, but mostly sad.

how is there any way that i let this happen? why in the world did it happen? and can it stay away for good? well...i let it happen because i was foolish. living in the world and sometimes of it does mean that i fell victim to the lies that our society sends girls. you aren't good enough, never will you be. you aren't pretty enough, never will you be. and without this, this, and this you will never amount to anything. so how did i let it happen? that is how i let it happen...i got wrapped up in a sinful world.

unlike many people, i do believe that this all happened for a reason. with every guy i liked, there was a transformation of my beliefs and my heart. yes it did hurt, but my standards are way up there. not just anyone will get me. it has to be THE right person. no if's, and's, or but's about it.
and lastly, i do not think it will stay away for good. i think i have the tools and experience needed to keep it at bay, but i think there always comes a point when you have to fall so you can learn to trust God more and more. so, it won't stay away for good, and i am completely prepared.

this whole blog stemmed from Justin's talk last night about what we are "resetting" in our lives. i fully believe God has healed most of my heart and continues the work within me. and thinking on that just made me want to share.

insignificant

have you ever wondered if what you do matters? i have...countless times. it seems like a lot of the time the insignificance i find in myself makes me not do things. like "i know you want me to tell people about you God, but i dont know enough" or "i did have this situation in my past, there is no need for me to share with people about you." i mean, honestly? am i really succumbing to this lack of faith in myself? do i really doubt that God can use me? sometimes i honestly do.

there is a huge part of me that has a burden for the lost. they need Him so badly, but they dont even know yet. some do know, they just choose to not listen. i think it was put in a great way when i heard of a misionary. he says in response to why he is so successful in winning people for Christ, "why not expect them to come to faith? expecting them to come to faith means you are always expecting Christ to move, and He will never fail in that." (that was paraphrased) i think a lot of this thinking we are insignificant comes from a lack of faith. we lack the faith to see and expect God to move. He gets all the glory for everything. He created us for His glory. He died on the cross for His glory. HE IS GLORIOUS.

there is nothing you can do to make God not work through you. so, stop thinking that you dont matter. stop thinking that no one cares. we need to stop buying those silly lies. God CAN move. He WILL use you. and there is nothing you can do about it except give Him ALL the glory.




"i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:13

believe

It's true what they say, the devil's alive and well
He picked the locks and escaped the gates of hell
It's evidence all you feel right now
If I could beg, I would beg that you somehow
Believe

Chances are, 4 will turn to 3
That's 1 less than this was meant to be
A wounded heart is a sucker for a thrill
And healing now, I hope you somehow still
Believe

The difference between now and then
Has broken your heart like porcelain
There's hope in this that you will soon see if you only
Believe

It's true what they say the devil's alive and well
He picked the locks and escaped the gates of hell
But there's something else working here as well




-Dave Barnes "Believe" Me+You+The World







i believe he is an amazing artist. he is my favorite of all time. the. best. ever. check him out. you will not be disappointed.

unity at its best

I think a lot of times we as Christians think things are a "a-ok" when in all actuality they are not. Disunity within the Body of Christ is something I see daily as a college student. Many people just think that its their way or the highway. Or on the other hand, they do not care one ounce. Then there are those people that just like to "stir up the people." In Acts chapters 8-9 it talks about Stephen and his stoning. Before he was stoned, the Pharisees were talking and "stirring up the people" against Stephen. Saying that he was blaspheming God and that he wasn't telling the truth.

How many times do you see this happening in the Bible. Just as clear as it was happening in Jesus' time, it happens today. Satan gets in and manipulates what people think. He makes them think that they are right and the other person is wrong. How many times do we as Christians fall victim to this? How many times will we let ourselves fall victim to this lie?

I think Paul Washer correctly says "you can not experience God, and not be moved." So, are we being moved? Being a Christian is not some label that you can put on yourself. It is a matter of being called to action. Being called to action because of love and acting biblically. So, I think it is time for us to start acting out of the love that was beautifully bestowed upon us and stop thinking its all about us.