obedience.

if you know me, you know that my heart should be shaped in the form of China. i have been there a total of 3 times, and each time i go, i fall a little more in love with it.

i can still remember the seamstress i met during my first trip. i can remember sitting next to a fountain with some new friends watching a water/lazer show during my second trip. and i will never forget, as long as i live, the students who's lives forever changed me last summer.

i had planned on returning to Asia this summer to teach again. i committed, had my letter written out, but had a feeling in the pit of my stomach for weeks. i kept telling myself "tiffany, get over it. you're going, there's no backing out now." the fact is, i could never shake the feeling.

i turned to the only person i know to turn to, God. after weeks of praying, i feel He led me to say no. i kept arguing, "but God, I ALREADY COMMITTED!" but, i picked up the phone, called the organization, and told them the news.

a weight was lifted.

i don't know the end result of this. i don't know why God has me staying here this summer. i wish with everything i have that i could see my students again. i love them and think about them daily. all i know is obedience was more important than my wants and desires. i can't explain to you why. all i know, is that God is good and sovereign. i have to trust He knows what He's doing.

obedience is hard. but knowing i obeyed, reminds me God is in control.