total honesty

for some reason lately, i have become keenly aware of my single state. i thought about this so much, that i am finally to the point where i can talk about it without getting either really angry or really sad. i was actually reading this and it made me laugh. seriously...laughed really hard.

anyways, it seems like the whole world is in a relationship. while i know that my statement is a bit of an exaggeration...it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. i know, i know...that whole "you don't need someone to fulfill you" deal...trust me. all i need is Jesus. seriously, i get it.

i feel like, that because i am stating that the deep longing of my heart is to be married, completely voids anything i have ever said about loving being single. almost like, i have hidden this side...and i don't want anyone to see it. which isn't true at all.

i do realize that i, sometimes, do not prioritize my life the right way. therefore, if i had a boyfriend, he would probably take up most of my time...and that just cannot happen. i need to focus on God's plan for my life. which i am so ready to encounter its not even funny.

so, then the question becomes, "how do i find God's will for my life, without compartmentalizing?"

what a huge question...that i will probably never figure out. what i do know, is that if i am doing what God intended me to do, that is the best for me. if it includes a "partner in crime" then by all means, bring it on. but if its not, i just have to learn to be ok with that. i have to learn that what i think is best, is not always what God thinks is best. i have to learn to just be ok being me...whether with someone or without someone.

this is a hard lesson to learn.